Saturday, 31 July 2010

failure

Today consisted of agony from laxatives...sleep. Then I got up and showered, ate 600cals of ice cream, 100cals of peas, 200cals of biscuits, 50cal apple ...and I had soup...1050cals.
I want the other 600cals of ice cream. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so bloated, I am laying here I can see all the fat. I feel disgusting. I AM disgusting.
Today has been horrible.
I agreed to go camping Wednesday-Friday...which means swimming only on Monday and maybe Wednesday morning? And eating...and DRINKING. I don't know why I agreed, especially after the arguments at the party.
I haven't lost any weight this week, I've lost control. It's been a mess.
I'm going to get the fucking ice cream. I'm disgusting. I hate myself.

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