Sunday, 25 July 2010

Fast Day One

It's 10am and I'm still in bed, dehydrated from the laxatives but stuggling to drink, and tired from waking up in the night because of the laxatives. I need to get up and DO something but it feels so much safer in my parents bedroom.
They get back in a week. I hope I'm not like this all week, I have to go swimming and to my psych appointment tomorrow. I haven't lost any weight since last week, I'm stuck at the same weight I've been stuck around for months.

On a forum I was on last night there was a thread about posting pictures of self-harm on the internet. I do not understand why someone would want to post pictures of their cuts. I go to extreme efforts to hide my cuts and scars from everyone including strangers. I do not hide the scar I got from falling over as a kid, I do not hide the scar I got a few months ago from the oven door. They were accidental.
Anyway the post was asking why people do post pictures. The responses were that it proved to the people on the forums they weren't lying. Most shocking was the response that people found cuts "beautiful". I can identify when I cut that a cut is a 'good' cut or a 'bad' cut and part of that is how it looks, but neither times is that cut "beautiful" and I would certainly not find someone elses cut attractive in anyway. So I do think people posting on these forums have developed a scewed mentality.
I also disagreed with it on the basis that it triggers other people to cut, you post it on the internet that could trigger hundreds of people. It also 'sets a bar' as to how bad cutting should be, this means more people cut deeper, more people cut in dangerous areas.
It was compared to how ED forums use thinspiration and say that bones are beautiful. My ED is not about looking attractive but I can understand more when people stare at pictures of models or other thin girls because that is an exaggeration of what society does all the time. At no point do people drool over someone's injuries. Both cause a scewed view about how extreme something should be however one has obvious social routes whereas the posting of self-harm images is a very new phenomenon, probably less than 5 years in comparison to the centuries of self-harm.
Four ago when I was trawling the web in confusion over cutting myself (I did not at that point realise this was 'self-harm') there were a few images on google but not forums filled with them. I did not frequent sites that encouraged self-harm because I did not come across them.
The pro-ana sites have a twisted goal but a goal - get thinner. What is the purpose of a forum that encourages cutting? The goal of a cut is the release, but you only need that release if something is going on. Basically the only purpose to such sites in comparison to self-harm supports sites such as The National Self Harm Network is that these sites trigger self-harmers but if you cut already then there is already a trigger. You can also cut without a trigger.

In this forum thread the people defended it used the language used to defend why people cut

"There are so many reasons why people would post photos of their self harming, but it doesn't matter because you're not gonna understand still, only the people who do this can understand(& I don't mean people who SH, I mean people who post these photos)"

It shocked me, it made me feel old yet the girl posting is also 17.

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