My mum called my brother, my mum called me. She told me "don't forget to eat". I feel guilty. I feel like I'm meant to go downstairs and cook myself a 'healthy' dinner: Carbs, protein, vegetables.
Pasta in tomato sauce with prawns or bacon and a side salad. Steak and chips and salad with my brother. Chicken, rice and roasted vegetables. Pizza and salad.
I can't eat meals like that anymore. Before my Eating Disorder began, 4 years ago. I was a fussy eater, meals caused anxiety so safe meals were Pasta, pizza, chicken, roast dinner. Sauces couldn't have bits in, they had to be smooth. I didn't like foods to touch and I ate only apples in terms of fruit and only a small selection of vegetables.
Now I eat a far wider variety of fruit and vegetables, but meals are still a cause of panic, carbs are like being stabbed.
But I still feel guilty.
But I managed to gain a kilo overnight! Maybe I am retaining water, I don't know, but how do 2.2lbs magically appear overnight?
Tomorrow I have the house to myself all day. I need to do a project, I can't just sit on the computer all day. I had planned things to do this week. Sewing? I could make bags, or cushion covers. I can stair run. 5 minutes intense every hour = 900 calories burnt without too much trouble. I can do that right?
Sewing, radio, water and stairs.