Monday, 9 August 2010

Sex and Drugs and...

I've been camping. It was really good, I ate and didn't feel too bad but didn't go crazy. My weight is back up to this point it seems to automatically go to if I eat again, but I can deal with that.
I drank a lot for me, but I had fun and I felt pretty normal.

We were all sleeping in one big tent as we always do, we went to bed about 3am. My friend, we went out 4 years ago...we made out, and I knew it didn't mean anything and I was thinking as it happened about how it didn't mean anything, I wasn't exactly focusing on the moment or whatever. We stopped, he got a bit upset...he's been on a few dates with this girl he really likes. She is nice (and very pretty, intelligent etc) so he felt really bad, and I felt bad. He said some really nice things about our friendship.

I don't feel sad that nothing is going to happen between us, that really isn't the issue. But I do feel worried/bad that I don't know what he is planning on telling the girl he is seeing (she's in the USA until September) and I don't want her to hate me or him to stop talking to me or something. I don't think that will happen but still.

So I still want to lose 15kg. I'm giving myself 8 weeks, the first 4 I am eating 360calories a day, swimming 20km a week, walking 5 hours and burning 400 through other things like sailing and other bits and pieces.

I am swimming 4km today and walking maybe a little over an hour I'm not sure.

My psychiatrist is away this week but I need to go to the clinic to pick up a prescription. I'm starting some tablets to help with the Tourette's. It's just hard making that decision because today they haven't been bad and I only had a few yesterday but other times they have been really really bad. It's just an experiment, to see what works so if there are times I want medication I can ask for this drug but other times I can just have tics if they aren't too bothersome.
I have a bit of an aversion to medication, I didn't use to. Mainly it's because I came to realise how drugged up I had been in hospital and how unnecessary most of it was. Now I'm a bit scared of how it will make me feel.

No comments:

Post a Comment