Thursday, 25 November 2010

Thank you lovelies but Oh Dear...

Thank you so much for all the comments yesterday :D

I just got home from swimming and my psych appointment. My doctor wants me to go back on a meal plan. Yes, with a BMI of 20 or 21 she wants me on a meal plan. She is also referring me to Adult Eating Disorder Services (who probably won't accept me), referring me for an ECG (EKG for you Americans). I get on so well with my doctor but this is all scaring me so much that I don't want to go back.

My hair is falling out, I put a hairclip in to hold back a stray bit of hair whilst swimming. When I took the clip out the hair had just broken off. I woke up with a hair covered pillow too. Luckily I(used to) have thick hair so you can't really notice. Last time my hair did this my BMI was 16.

I'm so excited about the PT meet on Saturday, it is really something to look forward to and focus on. I feel really low at the moment, my psych thinks it is because I'm "starving" myself, I think it is because I'm fat. Who wouldn't be depressed.

So far today (and it is only 3pm) I've had a cereal bar (60 cals), coffee (20 cals) and I swam 2km (FAIL) and walked for an hour.

EDIT: 314 CALORIE TOTAL :D

10 comments:

  1. My hair has been falling out as well and the thickness of it is just going down and down. It's scaring me! Hair is the one thing I love about myself!

    So lucky you get to go on a PT meet. I doubt anyone here knows about PT.
    Stay strong lovely,
    xo

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  2. It is annoying how docs like to attribute all our problems to our diets. At least Dee Dawson of Rhodes Farm has some small inkling that the problems come first and the ana is usually a coping mechanism. I still don't really agree with her methods much, but at least she doesn't just blame everything on our diets.

    I hate meal plans. I hate eating 3 times a day. Once a day feels so much more natural. Much hugs to you.

    Have you ever tried bmrcalculator.org? It gives you an estimate how many calories your body uses to just keep breathing, heart beating etc. It's not the same as having your metabolism actually get measured but I've had very good luck with the estimates that site gave me.

    <3

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  3. well done on the intake hun :) and a meal plan would be good if your hair is falling out? Stay strong ok? xxx

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  4. I get the same thing, luckily my hair is HUGE.
    And I didn't think they could hospitalise you for an ED if you weren't underweight [no offence] but I'm probably wrong >.<

    great work on the intake <3

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  5. I'm glad you're looking forward to Saturday, me too :)

    What is the meal plan like?
    Hope you're looking after yourself!xxx

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  6. You met Dee Dawson?! Is she as bossy as she seems in the I'm a child anorexic video?
    I first saw her in like a 3 minute interview in Super Slim me and she said that children starved in response to other problems. So ok...

    But then I saw the child anorexic vid and it's like wow she is bossy! She wouldn't let natasha visit home just cuz the girl ordered pasta a second time while out. It's like wtf maybe she honestly doesn't like fish and chips! Isn't being forced to eat bad enough? Can't even eat something you want? It really looked like they were being forced to eat mostly junk food! I got so mad!

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  7. Y'know it's weird my hair is pretty good. I straighten the thing, blow dry it, dye it wayyy too often and everything else (ED included) and it's pretty good.

    You are really lucky about the PT met :)
    xx

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  8. Well done with the intake :) But I'm sorry about your doctor, and your hair. I hope things turn out ok, and that you have a great time at the PT meet! :) Take care x

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  9. mmmkay. you did amazing with exercise and intake, okay? Kay.

    about your hair: ugh. I was actually not unhappy at all when my hair started falling out. it seriously looked like a lions mane. I think I permanently thinned it/weakened it because I am by no means undereating and it is softer/thinner than before.

    but I dont want your hair to fall out. Im thinking as well, Ill bet once you up your intake, your metabolism will shoot sky high.

    but I am sorry about meal plans :( my dr wanted me to gain like...50 lbs on mine (thank God I got out on a 72 hour notice.)

    Pweeeese have fun at the PT meet and tell them that a crazy chick from salisbury, md would like to say hi!!!

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  10. excellent intake and a 2km swim is so far from a fail!!
    i'm sorry about the pains of hair loss and doctors - hope it gets better
    xx

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