Sunday, 2 January 2011

I weighed myself this morning, I haven't weighed myself since before Christmas. I'd gained 1.5 kg or about 3lbs. Now I need to lose 2kg (4.4lbs) per week for the next 2 weeks to even be vaugly thin enough to go to my Community Mental Health Team assesment. They know all my ED history and I don't want them to think I'm fat so I really need to lose. However it isn't all that realistic for me to lose that much weight in a fortnight, I've done it before but I was so so so much crazier then. I just feel huge.
I joined anabites Bella/Izzywizz's new support/recovery forum but that was only because a lot of my PT friends are on there not because I am trying to 'recover'. I don't believe in recovery, plus you have to be ill to get better and I'm not ill at the moment.
I'm going to fail my January exams, I don't know anything for them and I can't concentrate well enough to learn effectively. I don't know what to do.
And there are some people in my life who I just want to disappear, my life would feel less screwed up if I never saw them again.

5 comments:

  1. Good luck on the loss hun, but please don't feel huge <3 let us know how the meeting thing goes ok? And if you ever feel like eating, to get to your loss, just study? I don't know, it's easier said than done, and I'm sure you'll do fine on your exams, I wish you so much luck <3

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  2. I'm sorry love :( Are you seeing the CMHT or the ED clinic?

    'Cos the CMHT may not weigh you immediately?

    I truly don't think you will fail your exams. I have faith in you!!!

    XXX

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  3. I'm sorry :( I'm sure they won't think you're fat whether you lose that much or not. I'm sure you'll pass your exams, you can do it! I'm sorry that things are so hard though. Take care xxx

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  4. CMHT didn't weigh me... probably because they could see I was in no danger of being too thin haha.

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  5. hoping your life gets better--and I know that you are in no way fat. Its awful for those centers to deny someone based on weight. grr makes me mad

    3 pounds over the holidays? Nothing at all, my dear. Pennies to dollars--and you have pennies.

    xxoo

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