I weighed myself this morning, I haven't weighed myself since before Christmas. I'd gained 1.5 kg or about 3lbs. Now I need to lose 2kg (4.4lbs) per week for the next 2 weeks to even be vaugly thin enough to go to my Community Mental Health Team assesment. They know all my ED history and I don't want them to think I'm fat so I really need to lose. However it isn't all that realistic for me to lose that much weight in a fortnight, I've done it before but I was so so so much crazier then. I just feel huge.
I joined anabites Bella/Izzywizz's new support/recovery forum but that was only because a lot of my PT friends are on there not because I am trying to 'recover'. I don't believe in recovery, plus you have to be ill to get better and I'm not ill at the moment.
I'm going to fail my January exams, I don't know anything for them and I can't concentrate well enough to learn effectively. I don't know what to do.
And there are some people in my life who I just want to disappear, my life would feel less screwed up if I never saw them again.