Saturday, 15 January 2011

I'm still completely thrown by yesterday, shaken up. I'm so so so scared of them. I don't know what to do about seeing them. I don't know how to get through the next two weeks. Since the appointment I've thought more about killing and cutting myself than I have in the last month.
I was meant to go to a Sailing thing in London with my Dad and little brother today but I can't even be bothered to get dressed. I have about three loads of laundry to do but there is no where to hang it up because my family has done laundry. Gah.
My jaw really hurts because I had the orthodontist yesterday and he tightened my brace.

I just want to give up. I am never going to have the space to just TALK ever again. If I do get therapy it is going to be 'practical living based' which is pointless because I can manage my finances, cook, clean, do laundry. Physically I can do it, I know how to do it! So when am I actually going to get to talk about WHY I have/have had an eating disorder. I've NEVER talked about that. In my four years of therapy I have NEVER spoken about it. But no they want me to learn how to open a bank account with a room full of crazy people.


  1. Awh I'm sorry :( Maybe you could tell them/your phsych how you feel about this? xx

  2. wtf they want you do have practical living based support? are THEY the crazy ones?!?!! :(
    I wish you could get some proper therapy... this sucks so much. I am having CAT and now i'm really thankful because your experience seems so rubbish... have you asked for CBT or CAT?