Tuesday, 11 January 2011

A little bit better?

Today went to plan. I had 2 eggs for breakfast and a cup of coffee. Then I had to leave to get to college for 9. I spent half an hour in the library revising for my 1st Biology exam. I think the exam went really well :S I'm not sure, there was one question I just guessed at. A few people I spoke to also said they found it quite easy and if nationally everyone does well they increase the grade boundaries so the same percentage of people get an A as normal. So whilst I think I may have got a low A or high B if the grade boundaries move I could end up with a low B grade.
I went swimming and did 3km for the first time in ages. Then I walked for over an hour delivering a letter to my clinic because I didn't have any stamps and had time to kill. I went to the library and read the newspaper then went to this remedial English class which is a complete waste of my time and 'learnt' how to write a formal report.
This evening I need to finish a practice paper for my 2nd Biology exam and not screw up by eating too much.
Tomorrow I have classes all day until 6pm.
Thursday I'm revising and swimming
FRIDAY I am going swimming, going to the orthodontist then I have this adult mental health meeting :S SO worried about this. I don't want to talk to them about how much I eat, I don't want to talk to them about self-harm (because I am managing that quite well and talking about it makes it worse). I don't even know if I want to see anyone there because I'm sick of telling them the same stuff over and over. I don't eat properly, I was raped, I cut myself sometimes and I think about dying. There isn't a lot to say, they can't help me. So maybe I am better off alone? I don't know...

I just want to lose enough weight.


  1. I really don't want to sound, I don't know... but I know exactly how you feel it's weird. I was raped, I have an eating disorder, I used to self harm (I have scars all up my wrists, arms, legs, waist, ankles :/). I went to CAMHs for a while but lied my way out of it, it never helped. I really hope your meeting goes well, let us know. Also I hope your exam went well, I have a psychology one tomorrow I'm fretting :/ Stay strong hun <3

  2. I'm glad the day went to plan and that the biology exam went well. Good luck with the rest of the week! I hope the adult mental health meeting on friday goes alright. I hope it helps you...I'm really sorry if it doesn't.

    Take care xxx

  3. As someone who has suffered through all the things you have, I just have to say that therapy did help with a lot of it. And eventually, I was able to stop the therapy and just be ok on my own (aside from the ED...). Go and try it with the adult psych--you can always quit if you hate it, or if it's not helping you.


  4. Good luck with your exams <3 x