Thursday, 13 January 2011

Rambling Rant

I ate all my 300 calories, I only posted about 20 minutes ago, if that. Now I can't concentrate on my revision. I feel huge. They are going to laugh at me tomorrow at adult psych. I don't harm myself much any more, I am no longer underweight, I am eating, I'm managing the depression and mood swings. What is the point in going?! I would have cancelled but my current psych has agreed to come to the appointment which is over 2 hours out of her day and extra driving for her and everything so I feel like it would be really rude to cancel, plus the other 3 people I'm having the appointment with (another psych and two nurses or therapists or managers, I'm not sure) I'm going. I've worked out which bus to get and where to get off and everything :P turns out the buses run past the clinic every 10 minutes so it isn't that complicated. It would just be simpler if I could go to the clinic in the City and not in this stupid coastal town which I never go to! I don't live in the City, I live 10 miles away but I go to college there, swim there, spend all my time there and the City clinic is 2 minutes down the road on foot from my college so it would be so much more practical. But NO because I come under a coastal borough I have to go to Stupid Coastal Town. Seriously this town is full of £1 shops, charity shops and seaside amusements. It is cold and windy especially in JANUARY and I don't know my way around! I need to print off a map so I can get home from the clinic to the train station (because buses only run from there to the city not there to my town) and I get the bus free but it'll cost me about £3 to get the train home which cuts into my swimming money!!! GRRR. ALSO the ED team are in the City clinic and I don't think I am underweight at the moment (I wasn't a few weeks ago) but I am losing weight and because of my history it is pretty likely that I will be referred there at some point which means I'll get transferred to the City clinic anyway! It is so stupid, I'm mainly pissed off because it'll cost me money to get there and back. I know, I KNOW I am really lucky it doesn't cost me money to go to the clinic! And I do love the NHS (I seriously don't get why the T-party think we are communist, but hey Sarah Palin is an idiot...and needs better glasses and less make-up) but given technically I can claim back my travel expenses because I come from a low income family it'll be cheaper for them to see me in the City where I have no travel expenses because I get buses free. I mean if I go once a week for 8 months that is £65.60 in train fares. Which yeah over 8 months is not a lot but I could do so much with that money!
Sorry serious rambling for no real reason. It is half past 11 I should really go and get dressed and do some studying...

I really care about all of you who read this, I notice when you don't update your own blogs and even if I don't comment, I am reading (I log in to here about 5 times a day :S!)


  1. Sarah Palin sucks. She's a bitch. Majorly.
    Love you darlinnng :)

  2. I'm sorry you can't concentrate on your revision :( But they won't laugh at you in adult physch, even if it feels like they will! You don't need to prove yourself to them :/
    Wow transport gets pretty complicated!! and expensive :/ xx

  3. good luck tomorrow with the adult services - I'll be thinking of you. what time is your appointment? I have to see my psych as well and i'm nervous as well. You are not a fraud, you do deserve and NEED to be there okay? take care x

  4. Sarah Palin is plain dumb but I won't get into that since I should be going to sleep lol.
    I do the same thing with logging in lots and reading the blogs. I suck when it comes to commenting on them though.
    Good luck for today. They won't laugh at you. x