I know a girl called Helen. We were really good friends at school, even through all the hospital admissions if I was home for the weekend she'd come and visit.
However, we have very different opinions on many things like politics. And it is impossible to avoid the conversations it would seem.
She was the first person I told when I was raped the summer I turned 15. Last summer, she suggested to me that I hadn't been raped but that I just hadn't verbally said yes. That it wasn't the forcible horror that it was but underage teenage sex I had later regretted.
She has barely spoken to me in two and a half years since we haven't been at the same school. I see her in things to do with scouts and she is at university a few hours away during term time.
The group of us who help with scouts were meant to be going on holiday to Amsterdam. Which I was a bit nervous about but excited. Helen is organising the accommodation and transport, yesterday she asked for £100 from each person by the end of the month. I messaged her saying the normally people give some details on where they are staying, how they are travelling before they ask for the money. At the end of the message I signed off saying sorry if I sounded 'huffy'. She sent me a really long message back saying that I wasn't being polite and that she was sorry it was the 'normal' way but that was how they were doing it. I said I wasn't going.
She has made it pretty clear over the last few years she can't relate to me because of everything that happened, that she thinks I'm a liar.
It isn't really my kind of holiday anyway. Drugs, getting drunk, clubbing, sex museum. I can do that for a day but not 4 days...
I was almost in tears after she sent me the message. I feel pushed out of the group, though I know that is largely my own insecurities. But she just doesn't understand.