Monday, 14 March 2011

I feel so much more...normal today. I mean not normal like other people are 'normal' I mean normal for me.
I've had 190 calories, I've still got to have dinner but I can stay under 400 for the day. My friend at college knows I don't really eat, I mean she doesn't know how bad it used to be but she knows and she isn't nagging me about it or anything which makes it easier to socialise at college.
I sent a letter to my psych about 2 really big secrets. One I've told one other person, one I've never told anyone. Except now I don't want to go to my appointment...the appointment isn't until 8th April so might change my mind. I don't know.
I feel like this mild level of depression I feel at the moment is comfortable, familiar. I'm not despairing I'm just not happy. I don't like the happy me. I say to many things, I am too loud, I can't predict myself.

This evening I'm going to a free theatre performance with my mum. It is for Amnesty International and about women. It is only an hour long but it'll be nice to go out and I haven't spent any time with my mum in quite a while.

It is mid-March, I'm not wearing a proper coat any more just a jacket over my cardigan. However I have chilblaines on my toes :(

3 comments:

  1. I hope you're ok hun, and I bet your appointment will be ok. I'm sure if you don't want to talk about the letters they'll understand...
    Have fun at the theatre hun you deserve it :) xx

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  2. "I feel like this mild level of depression I feel at the moment is comfortable, familiar. I'm not despairing I'm just not happy. I don't like the happy me. I say to many things, I am too loud, I can't predict myself." Wow- that's extremely interesting and relateable. I've never thought of anything that way.

    Feel better, love!

    xo
    Victoria

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  3. That took a hell of a lot of guts to send that letter. But who better to tell than your psych? She'll never judge you for your secrets. <3 <3

    I know what you mean about things that other people consider bad being a state of comfort. hang in there, luv.

    Hope you have fun at the theater!

    xoxo

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