Wednesday, 25 May 2011

I hate exams. I enjoy the actual exam, odd as that is. I hate that this is determining the rest of my life and how scary that is.
I hate than I've binged this evening. I hate that I want to OD, I want to cut and cut and cut.
I'm not going to, I have promises to keep and too many things that can't fall apart.

But I'm falling apart, or at least fraying at the edges.


I'm such a £*%^W$*. I've eaten almost 2000 calories today.

Coffee
fruit bar
rice cakes
coffee
cupcake

3 chicken nuggets
salad
mini milk
muffin with ice cream

massive bowl of cornflakes
crisps
massive bowl of cornflakes
smoothie
crisps.


I could've spent that time revising. I could have eaten some of that stuff for breakfast tomorrow. I could have not given into the binge monster which will no doubt come to get me in my exam tomorrow stealing all my concentration!!!

3 comments:

  1. I'm the same! I don't mind being in the actual exam - it's actually kinda fun =P

    I'm sorry that you wanna cut and OD and stuff - I'm here if you ever wanna talk about things, and don't mind giving you my fb or something. Either way, I really hope things look up soon because you don't deserve to feel this down =(

    Don't be too hard on yourself about these exams - whatever happens, happens. It happens for a reason and everything will work out in the end even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

    Good luck with your exam tomorrow =)

    Tale care, xxxxxxxxx

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  2. 'Eat cake and carry on' - you can get that on a mug in Whittards and it's good to keep in mind. Exams completely frazzle you, so just take it as a blip and start again tomorrow. Lots of water and fruit and veggies and some soup or a light meal - otherwise, if you starve, you won't be able to concentrate or not binge again.
    You have already cracked it, that exams are a stupid and inaccurate measure of your future, but they end up being necessary, so just look after yourself until they're over and I promise your head will be in a new place and you can get back on track. I've just finished my exams at uni and I've lost 8 lbs in less than a week, just from getting back on track with food and going to the gym. And giving myself a goal. You can do it, you're totally capable. Don't self sabotage yourself. All the best and good luck, chica.
    xx

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  3. I love exams too- geeks together :D you can do it- I KNOW you can. I literally have every faith in you. I honestly do.

    The promise vis a vie ODing is to me and you better be a good girl. Honestly though you're doing really well and I'm so proud.

    :) xxx

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