Monday, 9 May 2011

Sleepy, sneezy, happy.

I have a cold which is annoying, I hope it is gone tomorrow but I'm going swimming anyway.
I'm in a way better mood today because I stuck to my plan :)
2x coffee= 40
crisps= 97
fish= 160
salad= 20
tomato sauce= 40

Then I was bad and had an aero chocolate lamb= 145

But that is still 502 then later I'll have an ice lolly which is 18 calories = 520 for the day.

College just seemed to go on and on and on today, I think because we were just going through practice exams in both classes and it dragged a bit. My first exam is next Monday.

I forgot to ask my psych for another prescription last Friday so now I need to call her to get her to write me another one because I only have enough meds until Sunday. I wish I could just email her, it would be so much easier.

I took laxatives today, first time in a long time. I took the recommended dose. I'm not 'abusing' them...I'm just a bit worried I'll get pissed off and take the rest of the box.
I pretty much only bought them because they were way cheaper than they used to be when I took them a lot.

Tomorrow I have my driving lesson then I'm going to the gym, then swimming. I also need to do revision for my mock exam on Wednesday :S I've only revised about 60% of the stuff that could be on the paper so far. And...I say 'revised' I mean I wrote notes out, I don't actually KNOW much of it.

I'm missing PT a bit...kinda. I miss being able to have those crazy ED chats where you talk about how weird you are. Like if you meet up with an ED person and you're both looking at the labels on packets and you stop and laugh at each other. I miss that.

I realised, what I really want, need, is to be a rebellious teenager. I want someone to push and push and push the boundaries with, I want to have screaming rows with them and them still be there. I guess I've always known that my parents, at least my mum, can't take that. That is why I went to hospital. But in hospital I only got as far as toddler tantrums (yes first toddler tantrum aged 15 and a half). I haven't done the teenage bit yet. But I'm not a child anymore, I won't even be a teenager anymore in 15 months.

It is too late.


  1. im curoius about they work? whats pt? i always get nervus when people catch me looking at labels haha. i wish i could be rebellious but i am too scared haha. well stay strong (:

  2. what laxatives do you take? i took some before and they were useless :/
    stay strong, ♥

  3. I know what you mean about being "rebellious", I keep getting sudden urges to break the rules and it gives me such a thill lol (by "breaking rules" I mean, starving, texting a certain friend, cutting etc lol)

    I hope you get it out your system too

    Gah I miss PT too :[

    That's good that you didn't take too many laxatives :] xxxxx

  4. The club for people who miss pt!

    I hope your cold goes away, and I know what you mean about talking to other people with eds, it's helpful sometimes, or just comforting? I'm talking pish , but I get you haha.

    Fingers crossed you manage to stay away from laxative abuse.

    15 Months is over a year! You have quite a while honey don't feel worried. Hope you manage to let of your steam some how, go crazy, dance, have fun, We Only live once after all. Heh, I dunno.
    I'm useless lool.

  5. Oh, wow, thats almost exactly how I've been feeling for a long time.
    I wish there was someone near me to be ED weird with lol I have a weird friend or two, but not that kind, not even the type of people that would understand at all, they're type that would be telling my parents asap :/

  6. 15months is ENOUGH time to misbehave...I meannn, ummm. yeah!

    be careful with the laxatives, x

  7. Please watch out for the laxatives. I don't mean to be preachy, I know they're tempting. I definitely use them. Or used them. But recently they apparently almost killed me. So I'm spreading the word: laxatives in moderation. Sounds like you have it under control. But... be careful :)

  8. You can still be a rebel. You're never too old for that. :D

    I think I'm getting a cold, too. Hope yours clears up soon. xoxo