Monday, 6 June 2011

?

All I talk about is exams and food. I'm so sorry if you text me as well as read (basically Lissy) because that is all you hear about...

There are other stuff going round my head but I just don't know what to say...

I'm not bothered what my sexuality is, I don't think you can categorise people as simply as Gay, Bi, Straight. I think it is more of a spectrum. I'm not sure where I am on that spectrum. I've been thinking for a few years that I'm somewhere between Bi and Straight. But it is all confused because I want to be close to just someone, and it is simpler if it is a man and safer if it is a woman.

Essentially I don't think I'm ready for any sort of relationship but I kind of want something just to happen at university. I don't know if I'm capable of loving someone, I know I love my little brother but everyone else IN THE WORLD I feel could hurt me, I can't 100% trust them and that means I can't love them. I do care about a lot of people though.

But then I have dreams, and I'm not talking about crazy teenage wet dreams (or maybe I am, I don't know what other people dream about). But I was with a girl I know and we kissed and fooled around but then these two guys moved into the flat below us and then I was with one of them.

I wish everything that has happened hadn't happened so I could have normal relationships.


I might delete this, I might not. I don't know.

3 comments:

  1. Sexuality depends on the person I think, some people really can class themselves, some can't. I know I can't, a person is a person and that person is what matters to me, not their gender.
    Whatever happens, I hope you find someone right for you.
    Thank you for your comment, but there are too many conflicting views on whats underweight, I just know I don't think I'm thin enough right now and when I'm next to my Matty I certainly don't feel thin, I've always wanted to weigh less than the person I'm with, but since I noticed bmi I've decided that needs to be lower than theirs too. But that's all excuses really isn't it? Who needs a reason, right? I just want to be thinner.

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  2. heh, i only talk about exams too ;] (well . . . exams and buses, but that's a different story . . . )

    i know what you mean about the gay/bi/straight spectrum. it's not just black or white.

    i'm the same about how you don't feel like a relationship. i hope you do meet someone at uni though, someone you can trust and talk to about things and who makes you feel ready for a relationship.

    i'm sorry to hear that something in the past has affected relationships for you hun', :[

    and, in reply to what you posted on my blog, now exams are over i just have been procrastinating. today i was on PT for hours, then i tidied the house, and played monopoly with my little brother :P, what are you upto now exams are over? :]

    take care sweetie, xxxx

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  3. You're right about sexuality. I think my cousin put it really well--she said she doesn't call herself anything, she just loves who she loves regardless of gender.

    I'm not sure "normal" relationships exist. :/ I hope you meet someone you like, who makes you feel comfortable and safe. And who makes you laugh--I think that's the most important. <3

    You can whinge about food and exams all you want! We're still reading. :D

    xoxo

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