Tuesday, 16 August 2011

41 hours to go

I felt like I'd already blogged today but clearly I haven't. I ended up having about 1400 calories yesterday, it wasn't a binge but it was all (bar 85) after 3pm.
Today I'm having about 800? I don't know. I'm kinda stuck like I feel like if I get into Nottingham then I have to start eating 100% properly and get healthy and all that but another part of me thinks that I want to start university really thin so if I gain weight then it doesn't matter? Like the supposed 'freshman 15'lbs? I don't know. I always do this "I'll do this when this happens" and in the end I just stay the way I am flicking between wanting to be better to wanting to be sick to wanting to be better but still the very bottom of healthy BMI range. Meaning I vary in weight around the same region a lot. I guess it is better than I used to be though, all out for losing at any cost.
My Dad has food poisoning, he ate 4 day old spinach risotto leftover in the fridge which had smoked salmon in :/ he has had about 3 cups of tea and half a peice of toast all day and I'm thinking "why can't I have food poisoning" which is stupid.
I'm making my rucksack but I really want one of these things that let you put metal eyelets in fabric. Like the metal shoelace things on boots/shoes but for the top of the bag. Anyway I don't know how to do it because the punch things cost over £20. Might have to alter the design a tad.

Thursday. Thursday. Thursday. Thursday. Thursday. Thursday. Thursday.
41 hours to go.

5 comments:

  1. Perhaps you could find someone who has a "punch thing" and borrow it? That sounds far too expensive.

    Reading this takes me back to how I was feeling just before starting at university. It's always such a dilemma :/

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  2. 'Tis not stupid at all--I always think that when other people are sick. Hope your dad feels better!!

    You'd be a great psychologist, I think. And I think you phrased everything very well. <3

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  3. Aww I think, whatever you do about eating you shouldnt pressurise or push yourself. You shouldn't say "I have to be better in a month" because that's not possible and will most likely result in a relapse or your habits getting worse :( just take things slowly?

    Whenever someone's ill I always get jealous too ><

    Take care, xxx

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  4. freaking out about thursday right now :/ this is so not cool!
    totally get how you feel about wanting to be sick though, i'm always the same! xo.

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  5. Can you not take the bag to one of those shoe repair type places- that's the sort of place I imagine could do the punch thing on the cheap? There's one in my station so I could ask if they'd do it if you want?

    I think its natural to just go "oh it'll be fine when it happens" I do it too all the time (hence working in the fucking deli!) But its just about making sure you've got enough support systems in place when you do go (and don't you worry I'll be ensuring you bloomin' do woman!!!)

    Hope you're not stressing too much about tomorrow, have you made plans for the afternoon? Maybe do something with your little brother?

    Lots of love xxxxx Can you not take the bag to one of those shoe repair type places- that's the sort of place I imagine could do the punch thing on the cheap? There's one in my station so I could ask if they'd do it if you want?

    I think its natural to just go "oh it'll be fine when it happens" I do it too all the time (hence working in the fucking deli!) But its just about making sure you've got enough support systems in place when you do go (and don't you worry I'll be ensuring you bloomin' do woman!!!)

    Hope you're not stressing too much about tomorrow, have you made plans for the afternoon? Maybe do something with your little brother?

    Lots of love xxxxx

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