Wednesday, 21 September 2011

I'm not ready to go. I'm not ready to go. I'M NOT READY TO GO.

I'm not packed, I still need to buy things I forgot today, I need to magic into a real grown up...
I'm so so so scared. I had a nice morning but then things went downhill. I've been awake since 5am (I couldn't sleep) so I got tired and my mum was tired and she snapped at me and I got upset so I ate a bag of crisps so then I decided calories didn't matter today because I'd already ruined it and had a cookie and a muffin and then I ate dinner and then made microwave cake with my little brother. So...1400-1600 calories (but mainly unhealthy stuff).
I know I'm being such a hypocrite at the moment. Things were okay and now I'm just so stressed out about university that I'm falling into all the holes I'd previously climbed out of.

I went to college earlier to see my friend and my old tutor :) it was really nice.

I got an email from my university tutor :S there are 7 people (including me) in my tutorial group, we have a meeting on Monday at 2pm...I have to find his office :/ eek! His research specialism is NOT something I'm interested in...his specialism being the psychology of driving (and yes, I mean driving a car). Where they look at junctions etc.

Ohh wow...having said that a large proportion of his research seems to be on ASD (autistic spectrum disorders) which I have so...this could be good or bad. As you may have realised I'm not sterotypically Autistic or Aspergic. So...hopefully he doesn't try and...basically I want him to be my tutor not my psychologist.

Looking at all the tutors and what they have written papers on...i just want to go and talk to them! I hope the desire to learn will get me through the fear.

Take care ALL OF YOU xxx

2 comments:

  1. Years ago I asked my mum how come she was ready to go to uni at 18, she said "no-one's ready beforehand. You get there, then you get ready." I hope you don't magic into a grown- up :( I'll miss our wee and poo conversations if you do :P

    You're so lovely you'll do fine. You're sensible and logical and clever and you'll be FINE honestly.

    A quote from an Alan Rickman film since he is my true love, "it's the suspense that'll kill you, not the pain."

    And you've still got all of us to talk to :) xxxxxxxxxx Years ago I asked my mum how come she was ready to go to uni at 18, she said "no-one's ready beforehand. You get there, then you get ready." I hope you don't magic into a grown- up :( I'll miss our wee and poo conversations if you do :P

    You're so lovely you'll do fine. You're sensible and logical and clever and you'll be FINE honestly.

    A quote from an Alan Rickman film since he is my true love, "it's the suspense that'll kill you, not the pain."

    And you've still got all of us to talk to :) xxxxxxxxxx

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  2. Aww it's natural to freak out about all this, but just remember everyone else going right now is in the same situation (to an extent) as you, so you're gonna be around people that are also a bit funny about leaving.

    you wont just magically grow up, it'll naturally come, and uni is a major time when that happens. it may seem scary - but how do you know that being a grown up is worse than being a child if you've never been a grown up you know?

    1400-1600 cals is still really tiny, and it's understandable why you feel like this, so dont be so hard on yourself over it :(

    i'm not "stereotypically" austic/aspergic either, and i doubt many people do fit that stereotype. he's not gonna doubt you for your diagnosis and he'll understand that most aspies dont fit that "stereotype" really, so dont worry about that :(

    hope yuo feel a bit less scared and more excited soon :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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