Monday, 10 October 2011


Just sitting here..binging. Today I've eaten a packet and a half of bourbon creams (chocolate biscuits), 3 mini boxes of cereal and a soya yoghurt OUTSIDE OF MEALS.

I have 9 days until my next psych nurse appointment, I want to lose 2kgs by then. So yeah this is one of those binges before major restriction.

I just watched the film 'Bridesmaids' with 3 of the girls I live it. This is a COMEDY and I'm sitting there laughing along with them yet at the same time thinking about cutting and getting razor blades. Y'know 100% normal.

I want to take laxatives but I have a 10am with my personal tutor.

I need to take my meds.


  1. Woman why haven't you taken your meds!? :( :( victor would say you're a naughty boy.

    Do you know why you're feeling crappy? Do you think maybe its all the change? I want to come and sit with you and make it all okay. But I know I can't make it all okay. And the intention changes nothing. But its still there.

    Binging happens. Clearly, look at me! Is this one of those "last ever binges so I'll go wild" sitchs that we spoke about last time?

    In terms of restriction pleasepleaseplease be careful. I know I'm a hypocrite but I'm allowed to worry about you as I know you do about me. Please make sure you're at least having some things since you're exercising so much too!

    I hate to be a selfish bitch, but I don't know what the fuck I'd do if you died. It really fucking scares me you know. You mean too much to me to let you die.

    I wish you didn't want to cut/ take laxies. As far as I know, I may be missing things and if so I'm even more sorry, but you haven't been doing either of those at least not frequently lately? If so, and I hope I'm right, then try and remember, its so easy to slip into habits :( the audiobook I listened to earlier said this. "Its a thin line between never and always." Remember how quickly it slips and you don't need that :( this WILL get better. It will get easier. Its been shit in the past and its gotten better. You just need to hang on. And I know its not that easy. But I know you can. You don't need to make it any harder by re-awakening old demons.

    I'm sorry, I have nothing helpful to say. But I love you.

  2. Sounds like you're pretty down... I hope things start looking up soon! xx

  3. I'm glad you can't take your laxatives right now, and if by "meds" you mean medicines prescribed to you of the correct dosage, then please take them? :(

    i'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish right now, and i really hope you didn't cut in the end and i hope those urges have just left you alone now :(

    please take care of yourself :( you really do deserve so much better than this. sorry, xxx

  4. I hope ur ok,
    I really hope u ddint cut,
    Please dont skip taking ur meds! Please