Sunday, 16 October 2011

I seriously can't cope with anyone else's shit. I don't mean on here, I can deal with everything on here, I can deal with Lissy because I really really care about her.
I can't deal with one girls uncle dying and then another being upset because a guy she used ot go out with won't come and stay at uni. Oh and then I get judged because I lied to a guy to stop him hanging around our block WHERE NO ONE WANTED HIM. But it is me they are judging, pointing out other things I could have said. I can't deal with this.
Why am I running for welfare??!! I'm the one crying wanting to cut (not going to), knowing my weight in the morning will rule the rest of my WEEK, thinking about what food I can skip tomorrow. Yet I'm volunteering to be elected to look after OTHER PEOPLE.


  1. You don't have to cope with my shit either you know if you don't want to!

    But I do know that feeling, when people bitch about things and you just think, well I wish that was all I had to worry about! I think you just have to sort of ignore it best you can, it's a pain in the bumhole basically.

    And with the welfare thing. Yes, you have problems to do with looking after yourself in terms of an ED/ cutting etc., but your psychological problems are not your defining characteristics by a long shot. There is a lot more to Eloise than an eating disorder and a blade.

    I think by running for it despite these things you're just remembering that.

    Also, unless you're actually responsible for the day to day care of vulnerable people whilst you're unwell enough ED wise to not be functioning properly, I don't see how there'd be a problem. (although, I suspect vulnerable people involves children which may mean I'm being a smidge hypocritical.)

    And if it gets too much you can always quit it.

    Let's be honest- you're hardly going to be recommending such "amazing" coping mechanisms as self harm and starving oneself are ya now ;)


  2. Sometimes taking care of other people can give us a reason to keep going. it's harder to think of yourself as worthless when you start to see that what you do matters in a good way to the people you help.
    And in your vlog it looks like you have the pretty gray eyes of Pallas Athena.
    i think you can do this.
    I'm sure the poor girl who walked home in her undies was very glad you were there. A drunk girl with no clothes is very vulnerable to the worst sorts of attacks. You did a very good thing for her.

    You are a good person, and even good people can get frustrated at peeps who complain about ex boyfriends ^_^

  3. Fuck them. Pay no heed to their judgements. For you are amazing.
    Seriously though, forget them.
    I'm glad you're able to fight the urge to cut.

    *Sending you tons of love*