Sunday, 2 October 2011

It'll be okay?

Hey, I think I had a pretty nice day? I know it seems odd not to know but everything is so new nothing feels REALLY enjoyable.
We had brunch but the only thing I could eat was cereal with soya milk and a coffee. Everyone else was having pastries but they have dairy in them - pretty awesome excuse to avoid them!

Then I went into town with 3 girls and we went shopping and wandering, 2 of them left earlier and then K and I wandered for longer and came back after getting my starbucks hit ;)

I got a pair of corduroy shorts in Primark (super cheap clothes shop) but I might dye them a different colour as they are an odd brown at the moment. I also got a little embroidered waistcoat (vest) for £2 in the sale!!!

We came back and it was dinner time (it is 5-6pm on weekends, super early). It was a massive roast and no one cleared their plates so I didn't look too odd.
Then we went to one of the other halls for some music but it was mainly awful so we came back and I watched some a film with the others but now I'm blogging. During the film I had 450cals of doritos and 5 custard creams (300 calories).
I'm looking forward to getting into a routine tomorrow when lectures start properly and the days are fuller. Also I start swimming on Tuesday...I really hope I like it :S I've never done proper team training before.

At 11.10am tomorrow I have a 20 minute doctors appointment so double the normal length for a GP appointment. I'm quite nervous...I need to remember to take my discharge paper work with me from my psych. I don't know what to say to her. I feel huge and I've binged and not purged and I keep seeing anorexics on campus (so far 3 really severe) and I just am a normal weight. I think I might even be more than I was last Wednesday when I filled in the form about my weight. I don't know what to do.

Oh and I've arranged to meet people for breakfast at 8am so that was dumb because then I'll kinda have to eat before possibly being weighed. I think I'll just say I'm feeling nervous-sick before my first lecture.

Oh god. What if they say I can't see anyone? Like not for anything??? Shit I hate this.

Sorry this is not a happy blog, I AM happy here, I love the people I live with, it could be so much worse and I'm really lucky that we have nice guys living with us and non bitchy girls. TBH I'm just lucky to have a place at a uni.

It'll be okay. It'll be okay.

3 comments:

  1. good luck tomorrow! i'm sure it'll be ok :) xo.

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  2. Its good you got nice clothes and had a decent trip to shopping <3

    :'( Thats terrible seeing the other anorexic girls around campus I know how f^&*( devastating it is :(
    Thinking or u
    Love Ais,
    xxXXxx

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  3. Firstly its good to meet people for breakfast, its "normal" and whatnot and you should do it!

    The GP would be a complete twat to not see that you need to see someone!! 5 years of anorexia, self harm, overdosing, depression, yeah I'm sure that person must be fine with the magical cure of uni! :P

    No but seriously, your discharge letter from your psych explains it all- you said yourself that you thought it sounded worse than you thought it was (I disagree with that but anyway) and it explains everything. Considering they refer people to CMHT's and stuff for mild anxiety, I think you're okay ;)

    Try not to get too stressed over it, it WILL be okay. And please text me and let me know how it goes?

    Lots and lots of love xxxxx Firstly its good to meet people for breakfast, its "normal" and whatnot and you should do it!

    The GP would be a complete twat to not see that you need to see someone!! 5 years of anorexia, self harm, overdosing, depression, yeah I'm sure that person must be fine with the magical cure of uni! :P

    No but seriously, your discharge letter from your psych explains it all- you said yourself that you thought it sounded worse than you thought it was (I disagree with that but anyway) and it explains everything. Considering they refer people to CMHT's and stuff for mild anxiety, I think you're okay ;)

    Try not to get too stressed over it, it WILL be okay. And please text me and let me know how it goes?

    Lots and lots of love xxxxx

    ReplyDelete