Tuesday, 8 November 2011

another dire post

It is 2am and I can't sleep, I'm hungry, I want to weigh myself but I can't be bothered to walk to the toilet.
I've put on Culture Club in an effort not to play depressing music.
I have the day 'off' tomorrow but I still have a tonne of stuff to do. My alarm goes off in 6 hours, I need to be up in 7 hours and starting work in 7.5 or 8 hours. Not going to happen.
I feel like I'm going a bit crazy. I don't know if I should tell someone. It feels a bit like a lie, or exageration. I mean even mild insomnia makes people go a bit loopy. It would all be better if I just ate and didn't throw up. Alternatively I can let my blood sugar get low enough I just flop into bed at the end of the day.
I loved it when I used to fall asleep at 8pm everyday. I just had to lay down, couldn't even get into PJ's just asleep in an instant.

I might go pee so I can weigh myself.

I need to lose 1.4kg by next Monday (3lbs) or by next Tuesday. Whichever.

I don't know if I'm going to eat tomorrow (today). I could have lettuce and chicken and ketchup in the cafe. I don't want to eat on my own though, and I don't want to go to hall, and I don't really want to eat at all. Not really.

Morning-
Shower
Laundry
Welfare poster
Email SU welfare officer about leaflet
Budget for welfare (advisory)

2pm
Photo for water polo

7pm
Budget meeting with JCR

I'll have coffee for sure. I have £5.10 to spend on campus on food. I don't really want to eat before the photo :/ tempting to use the money to buy food I know I'll want to purge. But I don't want to binge.

2.30am
2.40am

I know I've been okay for a long time now. I'm sorry.

2.55am

I'll try to stop boring you.

4 comments:

  1. You're not boring. But I'm worried about you. I hope things are better tomorrow (today) :/

    ReplyDelete
  2. Culture Club is a good prescription. I always found "Changing Everyday" strangely motivating.

    ReplyDelete