Monday, 28 November 2011

Back from being crazy

Okay, so Saturday I went back to hospital because I was still vomiting. Basically the people who run my uni accomodation said I had to go. I took my friend (she lives across the hallway). I kinda told her a bit of an outline i.e. it was an OD. Then when the nurse was talking to me she found out everything else.

They couldn't get any blood out so they had to admit me so a doctor could decide whether to do a central line or not.

So we went up to the ward, they did my blood pressure and blood sugar and stuff. They didn't actually have a go because they could see I was vomiting even the water they were giving me and it wasn't deliberatly!
Got asked loads of questions, freaked out because it was a male doctor and I couldn't understand his accent. The nurses were LOVELY seriously, so so so nice. I got my period and that made me freak out because it was my first proper one i.e. not just the odd spot of blood. Anyway so I was super embarrassed cos I didn't have anything with me and they got me stuff and were really nice about it.
My friend left about 11pm (!) she has been AMAZING and I feel guilty cos she found out about me being crazy in detail all in a very short space of time and saw me get really upset.
Then at 1am I was thinking about stuff and the nurse came and talked to me again and got me some magazines but they both had headlines on the front about rape, most notibly "I was RAPED by my good samaritan" so I had another meltdown. Luckily the bay only had 3 patients at the time (can have 12) so she actually had time to talk. She did a psych referral. I slept for an hour.
Then the day staff came on and one was really nice but mainly it was care assisstants who were really loud and like screaming "breakfast time!!!" at me.
About 10am the psych person came and spoke to me and they were going to discharge me when I started crying again (I don't even know why) and then cos I couldn't stop crying she said she was going to refer me to crisis team. We had just spoken about it but decided not to. Anyway I cried for about 2 hours. Then slept, then stared in to space. Then about 3.30pm the crisis team (two women) came and saw me, it was all fine. Basically decided they couldn't help me but they would talk to Claire (who I seem at the moment at uni) about more long term support because I wasn't going to be better in 4-6 weeks. Then they were going round in circles a bit repeating themselves so I said that and we started finishing up. One woman said to the other that she didn't have a card to give me. I said I was bad on phones anyway so not to worry then one of them said I was an adult now and had to take responsibility for myself and make the right choices blabhalh. So I left because the day I turned 18 my problems (unfortunatly) didn't just disappear, I am trying to look after myself. I go to my appointments, I went to A&E, I went back to hospital because people were worried, I stayed in hospital, I talked to people.

Anyway, I left, cried on a bench for a bit then came back to uni. The nurse called me to check I was okay and that I would go and see Claire this week and that the doctor had already taken out all my lines.

Came back, tried to eat dinner but it was gross, went to bed, woke up this morning, went to lunch, had like a FOUR HUNDRED calorie lunch and then in an hour I've got an appointment with Claire and then an appointment with the GP.

Oh and I lost just over 2kg since Thursday-ish. Not that that is something I want to be congratualted on because it is fucked up and overdosing isn't a method of dieting.

OH and someone thought my hospital bracelet thing was from a club entry...yep WILD party.


  1. Oh darling - I'm glad that you are a little better. Is there anything I can do to help? If you ever want to email me or something, please do... I'm really worried about you.

  2. oh eloise :( i hope you're ok, xo.

  3. Ugh what a weekend. I hope you are feeling better :/ I'm glad the hospital staff or nurses were so nice! That really is a blessing and makes a world of difference. Take care of yourself and rest up. <3 Jade