Today was a mix. I had a Doctor’s appointment this morning. I went in and it was fine until he started talking about my weight. He told me I’m no at a “critically weight” which funnily enough I already knew! It made me upset, anyone telling me anything about my weight translates in my head as “you’re fat and wasting my time”. I started crying. Then he was patronising, I walked out.
I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to go and see Claire (the nurse I see) but I couldn’t, I feel like I’ve been wasting a lot of her time.
I went to my Statistics lecture. We had a fire alarm half way through, it hurt my head and I’ve had a headache ever since.
I wandered around campus a bit, not knowing what to do. Then I came home, fell asleep for a bit and emailed Claire. She emailed back about an hour later saying the Doctor did want to see me again and to have blood tests. I booked them. The blood test is on Wednesday, the Doctor’s appointment is on Friday. I’ve written him a letter trying to explain why I got upset today, hopefully this will mean the next appointment goes better.
I’m so exhausted.
I had some dinner this evening and didn’t throw it up. 18 chunky chips and lettuce. Since then I’ve had some coffee with sweetner and soya milk, and highlights hot chocolate with soya milk.
I’m meeting up with Shannice tomorrow afternoon :)
I really miss Lissy. I miss everyone, even the people I live with, I feel really distant from everyone. I think one of the girls ( I really like) I haven’t told about the (old) ED is catching on. She keeps suggesting things I could eat at dinner, saying I need to eat carbs/ more.
I haven’t digested any protein in a week. I don’t remember when I had any before then.
The computer screen is hurting my eyes :/