Tuesday, 22 November 2011

I feel horrible. I'm so tired, it is 11:20am so that is the morning gone. I didn't go out last night and it was partly because I am still ill from having milk at the weekend. But partly because I felt horrible in everything I put on. My stomach is less bloated today but my bum is still MASSIVE and that is just fat your butt doesn't get bloated!!! :P
I have a lecture at 1pm on emotion. Then I need to do some work with two other girls because we have a presentation together next Tuesday. Then I'm free until 6.30pm when I have to go to choir until 9pm. At 9.30pm I have waterpolo...I haven't been for two weeks so I'm going to be super unfit and suck and I'm worried I'm going to faint again. But if I decide I'm not going today I kinda should just quit properly? I don't know. I'm going to go because I might enjoy it. Sometimes when I didn't swim for a few days when I did I was better and faster.

I really should shower but the cleaner is here and I really don't like having to talk to her :/
In hospital there were cleaners but mainly we weren't in a situation where you spoke much to them because I wasn't allowed in my room during the day at some of the hospitals and other times I'd be in the school room or something. They were generally nice though, I guess the main difference is they just said hello or something rather than asking how we were (I mean would you ask a kid in a psych hospital how they are?!) so it was less awkward. Here not only does she chat but I can barely understand what she is saying...

I'm not seeing the doctor this week, I'm seeing him next Friday. I normally see Claire on Tuesday or Wednesday but this week I'm seeing her on Friday which is fine, I will be fine. But last night I kept getting stupid thoughts about OD'ing and I'm not going to, I just wish I didn't have to have the thoughts.


  1. text me whenever you want, i'm always here for you, ♥

  2. I don't want you to od. I know that's selfish. I don't know how to make you not, I want to say ring me instead but I know you won't. I'm sorry I can't help. I do care lots though xxxxx