I want to lose weight. Obviously this isn’t exactly a new state of mind but it has been somewhat on the back burner to not completely falling apart. Now it is my every thought yet I really really REALLY want to eat, and eat and eat. I don’t want to binge, wanting to eat and eat and eat doesn’t even particularly feel like wanting to binge.
I feel like after over 5 years of an ED I’d have experienced everything, yet I’ve never felt like this before, it all feels new, different. I want things to feel more predictable, more like I’M the one in charge.