My bank just called me and were on about this personal accident insurance that would cover me up to £200,000 anywhere in the world. I said I wasn't interested, he politely asked why, I said "I'm 19, to be honest, I just don't care!" which he understood and we said goodbye.
It is true, I'm just not that interested (plus we hadn't even got onto the terms and conditions) however I also don't think I'm 'worth' £200,000 I mean urgh I don't mean it like that...I just I JUST DON'T CARE!
Started thinking about sex a lot the past two days like how I want to use it to screw myself up more. Like, I would genuinely sleep with someone for money because I JUST DON'T CARE. I want someone to hit me and hurt me and not in some odd fetish way. I don't know why. Even when I was still in primary school I used to kind of hope someone would just hit me. I don't know why.
I can't believe I just wrote that on here.
I mean I know you could theorise that it was because I was raped and stuff but...I think I might even have wanted to just be hit before that? I don't remember.
I mean I would like a normal relationship but for some screwed up reason I think I'd find a bad relationship easier because you don't have to give your emotions over.
Kind of worries me.