I don't know how I feel except a bit scared, a bit anxious. I organised my revision today, what I need to go over. THERE IS SO MUCH.
Physiology and Pharmacology is going to take up SO MUCH time.
Cognitive I can do, I know I can do it, just WHEN?
Social psychology...a bit vague, I don't know, I think I just need to read through the lectures oh and read the 2 inch textbook...
Addiction...not even going to think about as it isn't until the 27th.
I go back to uni on Sunday 15th. The 16th I have 2 appointments and I've got to finish organising the destress during exams event... ironic huh.
Tuesday 17th I have two exams.
Today I didn't wake up until almost 1pm AGAIN. I need to get back into a routine so I can get work done, so I can have SOME time when I'm not writing out notes or reading.
I've had probably 400 calories already (5.15 pm) don't know what is happening about dinner. I have covered 3% today of the revision for ONE module. :(
I feel fat and horrible. I need to do work the next 2 weeks but at the same time I want to be back at university now. I don't want to go back to lectures. I don't want to go back to being welfare rep. I'm not even that desperate to see my friends even though I miss them. I just want to be able to not eat and exercise and cry and talk to people who care. I want to know what is happening with the ED service. I want to just shrink into myself and study for the next 2 weeks...I need to get up earlier.
I want things to be tidy and neat and organised and my life at home is NOT. My life at uni last term was NOT, but I can BE that way. I can.
A few weeks ago I was crying in starbucks with Lissy and Lily about feeling fat, eating too much, eating a 'skinny' starbucks muffin (271- peach and raspberry). They were saying I WAS ill, it is is all just bullshit. I don't mean that they are lying. I mean that I am leading them to think I am when I'm not. If I really was I would have lost WAY more weight at university, I had 12 weeks, I could have done, but I didn't.
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Just want to disappear. 19.8.