I don't know why I am doing this. I don't understand. I said awhile ago that I felt I should be predictable in my crazyness by now. But I'm not.
I joined a website...fulll of men...wanting sex. I don't know why. I really don't know why I want to be hurt. This is kind of the thing your meant to talk to therapists or something about...but I can't say it. I'm amazed I'm writing it on here.
I just don't understand myself. I keep getting messages on the site, people saying what they'd do to me. And for me it isn't some sort of fantasy to be told those things by an overweight man on the internet but...I guess like people says it just is like self harm. Like, oh I don't know.