Friday, 3 February 2012

The Day

Ten years ago, on the 3rd February 2002 at roughly 11am I was raped.

I just spent the last hour with Farrah, who, like Claire is a Mental Health Support Worker. I like her, she is a bit more direct with me than Claire, though Claire is great and I don't know how I would've coped otherwise. Claire's focus is more on getting me through the day/week whenever that is and getting me fully seeing a service like ED regularly so I can deal with things.
Farrah isn't trying to solve my ED or anything but she did bring it up and did challenge me a bit when I was saying I didn't need food and that I can't have it. Which I hate and it makes me squirm inside but at least I know someone else thinks I SHOULD eat which helps the thoughts a bit.
I'm seeing Dr Connor at 3.20pm so I have roughly three hours to kill...I'm in a seating area at the moment but it is pretty cold...I have my gloves on.
I could go to the library but for some reason that seems more scary. I could watch iplayer in a bit maybe. Or youtube.
I'm a bit worried that seeing Dr Connor will upset me because I have to get the train just after half past four and that means leaving campus at 4ish so I'd only have half an hour to calm down.

I have three blades and I need to give them to someone, I don't understand why I can't just throw them away. Farrah didn't ask for them. I don't want to have to see the nurses for a dressing again, they'll get fed up soon. I don't want them to start making me go to A&E.

1 comment:

  1. i hope you're ok, lovely; text me at any time! good luck with your appointment with dr connor, i'm sure it'll go ok. sending you a hug and wishes that you wont do anything like cut or od, <3