Sunday, 19 February 2012

My stats

My stats are that I'm always going to feel fat whatever I weigh
I'm always going to feel too tall even though I stunted my growth
I'm always going to feel stupid even though I go to a Russell Group university
I'm always going to feel left out, lost and distant because I spent my teenage years starving and being force fed rather than hanging out with friends

I'm 163cm (ish), I weigh enough to not be anorexic, too little to be 'healthy' according the the world health organisation and now my doctor. I was just as ill when I was 10kg heavier and just as ill when I was 10kg lighter. I dread the day when I can't wear children's clothes even though I'll be 20 on my next birthday.

I know I sound like a bitch for responding to a comment like this, but I dont' go on PT anymore for a reason and I don't want it to be like that here.


  1. This is not going to be your entire life. It make take a lifetime of fighting, but eventually you will get to a day when enough is enough - you will want to get better for yourself, and you will fight your way out and be happy.

    You are not too tall or too short or too fat or too skinny or too smart or too stupid... you are a lovely young woman with tons of potential and a good heart, even if you aren't able to realize it yet.

    Maybe turning 20 this year can help you start fresh. You have months to think about it, but maybe by then, with the help of Claire, your support team, and your friends (like me!) you can make some "adulthood resolutions"...

    Sorry this is kind of rambling... all I really know is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I know that. I am 100% sure. You are beautiful on the outside and on the inside. Please understand that.

  2. You don't sound like a bitch at all, I assume someone asked you your stats. That always pisses me off too so good for you.

    I agree with above. You may feel too tall or not smart enough or too big, but none of them are true, and to me (and everyone else) you are beautiful and smart and amazing and I'm sorry you can't see that.

    I'm sorry you feel so shit.
    (((and I'm sorry for a shit comment.
    And I'm sorry for not replying for weeks)))

    Sorry, take care, lots of love, xxxxxx