Monday, 12 March 2012

I started eating again and now I feel so so huge. Just horrible and fat and lazy. I want to stop again.
Today went okay.
My dad called me, my mum had told him things weren't going well. It is kind of easier with him because I know he won't go away and get upset about what I say. He just wants to help. They have both taken on board that when I come home the food discussion needs to happen away from the kitchen and not around a meal time.
I'm seeing Crisis at the psych hospital again on Thursday. I walked there last time so now I 'have to' walk there again. It takes about 1hr 45mins to get there. I was meant to be seeing Claire on Wednesday but she came to work this morning and then went off sick again so she is going to be off all week to try and get properly better.
Tomorrow I'm meant to have mentoring but I really don't want to talk to anyone else at the moment that I've cancelled. I have one lecture then I'm going into town with Claire (friend) we're going to go to New Look and Primark and maybe some other places.
Then in the evening we have formal dinner. Claire and her husband (an alumni of my hall) were meant to be coming but I'm guessing Claire or neither of them will come if she is ill? Then there is the afterparty which I've said I'll go to but I doubt I'll have the energy :/ who knows. I haven't decided what to wear. I want to wear a playsuit I have but it is completely impractical when you need the loo!!! Nothing else I have really fits anymore. I had things which were tight/ too small before and I didn't really realise I'd got smaller so I didn't try them on and now they're too big so they were just a complete waste.

1 comment:

  1. I'm really glad you got in touch with your parents. I was truly hoping you were going to do that soon.

    I know things are super tough for you right now, but please just try to sep your head up and keep swimming. You are beautiful, eating a bit will not make you fat - obviously if your smallest clothes are fitting, you have lost weight. I know it's impossible for us not to feel fat, but please try.

    I hope you get to do something this week that makes you feel good about yourself and happy... perhaps a nice cuppa tea courtesy of your little package :)

    You are going to beat this, my dear. You may need help - and obviously Claire is really invested in your well-being, but you are going to do it.