Tuesday, 17 April 2012

I realised from going to Lily's appointment where they lady talked about this process:

That I don't think I actually want to get better, I mean I do eventually, I don't always want to live like this. But I want to get a whole lot worse first. I feel like everyone says when you're very underweight that they can't talk about the 'issues' until you're less starved. Then I gain the weight and I've always been discharged or something else has come up like too high risk or whatever.
I don't know. Just making stupid plans.

But I like this cycle.

Pre-Contempation- Is where you don't think you have a problem so change seems completely irrelevant.
Contemplation- Is where you kinda do kinda don't want to change. You can't imagine life without an ED.
Determination/ Preparation- Is where you want to change but can't actually put the action in.
Action- Is where you are actually doing it. Eating, being healthy.
Maintenance- Is just that, from here you may recover or may relapse.

Obviously there is a lot of moving back and forth between the stages as you get scared. It isn't just a neat trot round and tah dah you're recovered.

I just like it.

I want to almost die again.


  1. I don't want you to die.

    I think it's interesting to think about where you are on the circle thing and why etc. That's what I've been doing lately anyway xx

  2. Ahhh the Transtheoretical Model! It's a good one, in that you don't have to just go in a circle, you can waver back and forth between stages - I think it explains some things well.

    In your spare time, you should google health behavior models, they might strike your fancy - it's part of what I've been studying for my masters degree. There are a ton of models and theories to explain why we do all the things we do regarding our health.

    And I agree with Lissy - I don't want you to die at all.