Thursday, 10 May 2012

I think I need to ask my head to move out. This just isn't working and it never cleans up.

Such a loser. Just facebook stalked someone who commented yesterday (sorry Beca...)
Erm so woohoo Natasha replied which made me feel like less of a fan-mail writing weirdo. Bearing in mind the only fan-mail I've ever written was to get a signed photo of Cliff Richard for my mentor's retirement... kind of on a par with the first CD I ever bought for myself being Mozart's Requiem Mass.

Anyway, I did think I might get up and have breakfast today but other than a mug of coffee that ahem..didn't happen. The idea of more than 700 calories at the moment seems ncjehfuieghdasnbsa which is ridiculous because you know what kids? Yet again I'm under-achieving. Because 700 calories, plus a stupid walking habit, plus revising, plus living DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK. I'm not losing weight, I'm not walking as much as I'm 'meant to', I'm not revising as much as I need to be and I have no life. I can point out all the problems with this plan. I mean not even on an energy and psychological level but that I don't eat protein, I eat very few fruit or vegetables and don't get a range of vitamins or minerals. And you know what protein is made of? Amino acids. Why are they useful? Because that is what you're made of. (slightly dodge biology there but the gist is there). 

This isn't even the first time. I under-achieved at GCSE and A-level. I didn't have friends in the way that I would've done. Thin people aren't popular, you're cranky, anxious, your breath probably smells, your hair is crappy and you look shit. Genuinely beautiful people, whatever the ED, look shit. Binging and/or purging and/or restriction makes you look shit. Which is the last thing you want to hear because you hear shit and think fat. Because fat isn't an adjective or even an insult anymore it is an emotion because you can't think of anyway to describe the awkward uncomfortable feeling. 

I know all of this, I know a ridiculous amount about nutrition (at the same time as not being able to comprehend what a healthy person would eat in a day). But no, breakfast didn't seem necessary. Which meant I could only revise for 45 minutes. And now I'm hungry and dizzy and going 'oh but it is 12:05 I can't have breakfast now' (and I actually don't UNDERSTAND the concept of lunch). 


3 comments:

  1. Lunch is the meal in the middle of the day, most people eat 3 meals. You could call it something else like middle day energy so I don't feel tired and crap and can't revise and get on with my life like I deserve to?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't worry we can be losers together :P

    Lunch is THE BIGGEST MIND FUCK EVER. I feel ya on that!! Lurrrve xxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's fine hun.... just trying to think if there's anythin particularly incriminating on there O_o lol, could you see my profile ? I work with kids so it's supposed to be on maximum privacy =S

    As for lunch.... it's the small break you can take from the middle of revision without feeling like you're procrastinating too badly =D Even if you just have half an apple or something outside in the sun x

    ReplyDelete