Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Went and saw my GP because things have been quite bad. Tried to explain to him how I think and that I don't understand things a lot of the time (I think he does understanda bit more now). How I get confused when he and Claire say different things. 
Claire thinks I should see the psychologist from September. Dr Connor thinks I'm 'not ready' and that he and Claire should just continue seeing me. He thinks they should just work on getting me through my degree and that I can confront things afterwards. But I want to have a life afterwards. I want to do a masters and a PhD. This has already consumed my adolescence I really want to have a more normal 20's...
It is really hot, two days ago I was wearing two pairs of tights. Last night I had me window open all night and told I'm not wearing tights at all. The weather and how I feel is making me really tired.
It is only five days until my next exam. I haven't done any work for it and I really need to but I just want to sleep. 
I feel really fat.
Until I came to university I'd never been told I 'wasn't ready' for help. Dr Hill I think decided I wasn't ready to talk about certain things because I would just go quiet or change the subject (and I didn't even mean to) but other than that I've always thought I wasn't 'ill enough' rather than too ill. So confusing.

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