Saturday, 2 June 2012

I kind of proper blog post

Tomorrow I'm going to Starbuck's to revise because I didn't do anything today and that was productive before.
I need to do lectures 3,4,5 and 6 for developmental psych and the whole of Blood for physiology & pharmacology and ideally a good chunk of the GI system too...eeek.
But I'm going to eat. I'm going to have porridge and coffee for breakfast (I bought more today) which is 120ish, then 2 frappacinos (190), fruit yoyo (58). But I'm also thinking about getting a cereal bar (111)/ frozen yoghurt/ bread roll. I don't know. I'm revising 11- 4.30 so I feel like it is ok? 
I'm getting up at 9, getting dressed, having breakfast, getting the bus, going to waitrose, going to sports direct. Then settling down in Starbucks to DO. SOME. WORK. I hope no one is in 'my' seat...

I hadn't weighed myself until the other day for about a week and I thought I'd gained loads and loads but I'd actually stayed the same weight. I was trying not to weigh myself because it does bring me down sometimes but not weighing myself made me really convinced I'd gained loads given I was eating some different foods and walking less. I guess maybe having no routine to weighing myself might be best? Just do it randomly? I don't know, I don't know what is going to happen over the summer. Summer is when I've always gained weight (either through hospital or binging) so I don't know what it is going to be like. I don't binge like I used to at all. I can 'feel really bingey' but I just can't be bothered to do it. I still have occasional times where I eat more than I want to and I don't feel completely controlled but I am not 'out of control' it is more going 'oh fuck it I'm going to eat this' rather than binging when there isn't any thought through your mind except 'foodfoodfoodfoodfood' and the feeling of panic. 
I'm glad I'm not like that anymore. But I'm terrified of it coming back. I do not have boxes of cereal or multi-packs. I have sachets of porridge (1 sachet = 1 serving) sachets of hot chocolate, everything is packaged as individual portions. I might not have that in my house next year though, I might relax on it a bit hopefully. 

1 comment:

  1. haha I also have a personal seat at my local Starbucks and I get so frustrated when other people are on it.
    revision season for me too! try and have some fun out of it, honey :)