Friday, 15 June 2012

So I went an lived in a hut in the woods in Somerset for 4 days. It was lovely, I'm so glad it exists. I stacked wood and fed pigs and played with their kids and dismantled the inside of a Campervan that had previously been an ambulance. I could've chopped wood but I felt like I was going to faint and didn't think that would be a great idea whilst holding an axe. However the feeling as if I was going to faint was purely due to blood pressure (bending down, standing up over and over) rather than blood sugar. I went and I ate. It wasn't perfect, I worried about how much to put on my plate and if I looked greedy or strange but I didn't want to die which was really really lovely. All the time I want to die there is a worry that I might actually do it and really I don't think I want to. Esspecially as I know that if things went really really wrong there is a hut in the woods in Somerset that I could live in and whilst there are options like that (and there are several) then killing myself really isn't necessary. 
I am planning on going back mid-July to mid-August. Which is good but also slightly scary, a month of eating. No days off from food, not even meals off. I don't know if I can do it because I haven't in years and years. Even before I got ill I wouldn't have been able to face going and staying somewhere else because there were so many foods I was just terrified of. But I think it is worth trying, if it means I don't want to die. 

4 comments:

  1. commenty commenty comment :D I think you are incredible and strong and brave and will do well in the world if you can carry on remembering not to die.

    There are so many nice and lovely and interesting and exciting things to be done and special times to be had..just got to ride out the stormy bits..which you are doing with aplomb and I salute ya

    xox

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  2. You *can* do it.
    Also, 'sup. *sleaze*

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  3. Ah, this is great. It sounds like my homestead. I'm glad you've found a place that makes you okay with living. xxx

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  4. I'm really really glad it went well xxx

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