I'm leaving for the woods tomorrow so this might be my last blog in awhile. My aims whilst I'm there are to relax, be productive, eat regular meals and read.
I'm worried about food and doing woodland work. They are understanding that not everyone can do as much physical stuff and being a 5'4 Iguessquiteslim girl I'm not expected to do anything to hard. However I really don't have much stamina at the moment but hopefully that will improve with a more regular eating pattern and routine.
I might come back lighter or heavier or the same weight, I'm trying not to think about it. It isn't like I can't lose weight when I get home if I feel I 'need to' but this month should not be about that.
A lot of people I know are starting treatment in the next few months (some in the next few days!) and I've said it to you all individually if you've told me about it but I'm so pleased all of you are doing it. I know basing recovery on others' recovery is not good but it has made me realise this has been going on too long, that age 20 is really too old for children's clothes, that there are a lot of things I'm missing out of and that I'm spending what should be the prime of my life exhausted and depressed.
I'm starting to see the dietitian and psychologist in September and it isn't going to suddenly fix things but for the first time I actually want the eating to be better. I don't want to gain weight but it would be nice not to constantly want/ have to lose weight. I think I'd like to intentionally maintain my weight? Even if it isn't my natural weight for now, to eat and be normal for a bit.