Monday, 6 August 2012

I don't know where I want to be and the simplest answer seems Nowhere.

I'm 20
I leave 'the woods' in 8 days
I have no idea what is actually happening with my appointments next year. I email to ask Claire, she replied saying she didn't know but would speak to Dr C after her 2 week holiday. This is repeating the pattern of last year, everything is meant to get set up, everything crumbles apart and nothing happens.
When I was just focusing on being here, focusing on eating, focusing on communicating with people, the routine it was difficult, horrible at times but it was just The Now and that was fine. 
I'm thinking about 8 days time and moving into my house in the next month and weightloss and overdoses.

I spend my life dizzy, dizzy with hunger, dizzy with pain after eating, dizzy from getting up, dizzy from sitting down. Cold sweat. 

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