Wednesday, 8 August 2012

I feel ill. I also feel a bit shitty mood wise. Partly because stuff about my past is on the verge of being spoken about (by me) and it is freaking me out. I imagine people's responses and then get annoyed at the person even though it is an imagined response. 
Also I'm leaving here in 6 days. I can come back after being home for 2 weeks (because the people here are going away for 2 weeks)...I was meant to be moving back to uni, starting to see a psychologist and a nutritionist. 
I emailed Claire.
She emailed back basically saying 'erm dunno what is going on I'm going on holiday for 2 weeks I'll speak to Dr C when I get back'.

Cheers. 

So the options are kind of come back here (which is by no means the easy option) or stay at home (...) or go back to Nottingham where I have semi-planned an OD and I won't eat.

4 comments:

  1. Sorry you feel this way. I just hope that things get better, you feel better. I'm sure you'll make good decisions.
    Take care,

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  2. Feel better dear - It seems like Nottingham isn't the best plan for you right this second. (I don't really understand how you can plan an OD that far in advance, or at all, really... you know that the consequences are so terrible and you've made great progress this summer!) Perhaps when you start seeing the psychologist when you get back to school, you might be able to talk about the things in your past. I'm sure its no secret to you that your eating issues are likely linked to that - talking about it will eventually result in some kind of improvement, I'm certain.

    Which choice are you leaning toward?

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  3. i'm sorry things arent going well :/ i'm always here whenever you need me! please dont od or stop eating though! xo.

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  4. I can understand how frustrating it must be for Clare to be so blase about the whole thing..please don't let it trigger you into the badnesses..you do SUCH a lot of hard work to stay alive and ultimately people just won't let you die, you deserve to be happy and healfy and I don't know what to say to convince you that this is true, BUT remember how much work you've put into getting your life on track, it doesn't have to be crap and there is a middle path. hang on in there toots, big big hugs xoxoxoxo

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