Saturday, 18 August 2012

I sort of restricted today. Only this evening really. 1140. Feeling hungry is making me want to run, to lay in bed and exercise deep into the night. 
I am doing a few of my OCD rituals and it is ridiculous because I had therapy for that which actually helped, it actually transformed my ability to function (bar food and exercise rituals I've been OCD free for over 4 years) and now I'm like 'What the hell, I'm slightly less disordered now *freak out* yes, yes tapping things will make things better, calmer, smoother, still ill'.
I want to be able to say that I don't want to feel because it is too much to discuss the things that happened. But it isn't that, it is too much to feel ANYTHING. I want to dampen down my feelings because it is just too scary.

1 comment:

  1. I thought of you when I read this: