Sunday, 26 August 2012

In need of direction

I feel lost in the chasm between moving forward (eating, living) and starving. I spend my days hopping between trying to eat 'enough' and wanting to starve. Added to the fact I don't really know how to eat 'enough' it is very confusing. On Friday I had lunch but lunch was an apple and a mini veg sausage roll (the type that are an inch square). Then wondered why I felt ill and sick and dizzy on the train. 
Right now I'm confused why I'm hungry when I've had approaching 800 calories. I need to have a snack but I'm worried someone will comment on me eating. Plus the fact that I'm allergic to most of the food in my parents' house. 
It is like I've actually become better at restriction whilst trying to eat more. I mean I am eating more, it is 5pm and I've had 800 calories this would have been a 'fail day' up until 6 weeks ago. 
Websites say I need 1793 calories per day and I think I actually might need a little more than that (ah) but even saying that, that I "need" it is so ijiewfinwfienwijfnfjkdnsackjdfnkjdwfn.

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