Thursday, 16 August 2012

There are times when you really think eating disorders should take some time off. The various employers of my family are being understanding, telling them to take the time they need, that obviously there is an awful lot to sort out and not to worry. 
Eating disorders don't do 'understanding'. Disorganisation, disintergration of meal times, grief is the perfect excuse not to eat it believes. Sitting about all day? Go for a walk, walks are good for thinking. Look up online exercise videos. 
We all know eating disorders feast on bad feelings, grief, depression, anxiety, trauma. (In honour of my generation) eating disorders are a bit like death eaters...and my patronus charm sucks. Y'know cos you have to think a happy thought to conjure one and I'm not great at that...oh and my Hogwarts letter never arrived.
It feels wrong to throw this all away because the opportunity has arisen. I feel so much so much bigger but even with my period (ahh health) I am the same weight I was a month ago. I have lost some muscle tone but all the same clothes fit, there is no drastic change. 
But I want to nose dive.

1 comment:

  1. You have to keep your head above water and fight for yourself - no one else can do that for you. You CAN do it, I promise you, Eloise. Keep fighting, you are regaining your health - you CAN do it, even in desperate times of trouble.