Friday, 21 September 2012

Taking time out.

After a lot of tears and thinking it would just be easier to kill myself I've decided with my mum and Claire and the doctors here that I'm taking the year off.
My friends have been lovely about it. Which makes me wish I'd been more open sooner. HOWEVER the reason I wasn't open was because I didn't want to give up the ED and everything.
I still want to lose weight, I don't really know what is going to happen from here but I know by not living at uni things aren't going to get as bad. I'm going to go back to the woods.

EDIT: I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't really want to be anywhere. I want to stay here. I want to be dead.

2 comments:

  1. I was here this year and took a break as well. If you want to talk at all I'm always here. It was a really challenging and horrible time for me, but that's because I refused to go on anti-depressants for awhile when I really needed to. That's just personal. I did get a lot of closure. I'm pretty much recovered from bulimia if still a bit eating disordered, my social life has never been better, and my family and I are closer. Being home when all of your old friends and life are continuing can feel like... I don't know how to describe it some people say failure but that doesn't begin to describe it. Maybe like the world is ending but you don't give a shit and just sit there? I'm not sure if this is anything like your experience but I'd really love to talk and be there for you. I didn't really talk about it during the beginning to my friends and it made everything so difficult when it didn't have to be.

    Much love, hang in there.

    xxxxxx

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  2. keep going keep going keep going..it will get less black and we can't lose you, you're so special to so many people

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo <3

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