I called The Woods. I'm going back in 2 weeks, Sunday 21st October. I could go sooner however on the 19th I'm having my bottom brace taken off (finally) so I need to be at home for that. But SO MUCH RELIEF. It is so nice to have a date and know that on the 22nd I'll hopefully register with the GP meaning my old GP can call them to talk about referrals. There is also an ED charity there which has support workers and does groups. I'm really really scared because once I'm there I sort of have to do this... I mean I know I can always turn around and go back to being a 'I don't want to, can't, recover eating disordered person' but I'm committing to trying for like...11 months pretty much. A good reason to be less scared is that I am doing pretty well even at home, I mean it goes wrong A LOT but I am motivated so in a supportive environment I should be able to learn the stuff to stop it going as wrong as often. However I have also ear-marked this year for dealing with Being a Woman and basically 'the stuff behind my ED' sorta thing. Because it is impossible to be eating, feeling emotions and not want to kill myself fairly regularly if I don't deal with that stuff. So that is really scary. Also because if I get super suicidal that is the sort of thing that The Woods can't really deal with or at least not without professional advice. But we're going to talk about all of that.
It is going to be ok.