Thursday, 18 October 2012

I feel exhausted and like I just don't have enough time. I went to my Grandma's today, we were out for 6 hours. I've put aside most of my clothes I need to pack but they aren't actually packed. Nor are things like my radio, notebooks, paints or sketchbook. I feel in a panic. I'm having my braces taken off tomorrow at 3pm, then I'm getting the train to London, squeezing in staying at Jenna's and then seeing Felicity and Lily in the morning before I go to a house with my family (as in an old house with audio guides etc.). I want to do all those things and none of them are compulsory but I just feel so tired all the time. When I started eating more I had so much energy, it felt amazing, it was what made me want to really get better. But now I'm tired again, I can't tell if I'm as tired or just that I've got used to having more energy but I want to sleep or lay in bed all the time. I don't know if I need to eat more or not. I lose weight if I'm active so perhaps I do. It is so confusing, this eating lark. 
I think I decided in the car yesterday that I want to request my medical notes, my psychiatric ones anyway. I don't fully understand how because the NHS paid for me to be treated at two private hospitals so it is a bit confusing as to who has the notes and who I have to pay what for photocopying them. I think this is the year that I have the support and space to be upset and angered by them, where I can rant and rave and people will listen. I only have until I'm 25 (the only have to keep them 7 years after your 18th birthday and then 7 years for any new ones) and I could very well not be in a position to read them during the next just-under-five years. Also I believe I don't actually have to pay for the photocopying currently because I'm receiving benefits. I don't even know how they would send all of them... hospital admissions come to about 6 inches, outpatient must be at least that if not more, then GP notes and general hospital notes are probably 2 inches thick. I have over a foot stack of notes...I mean it is more than that when they're in the paper binders but they don't post them like that. Scary.

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