I feel utterly shit for no real reason.
I had a chat with F and T yesterday. They want me to tell them face to face (rather than email/ a note) when I cut. So far I haven't...
Talked a bit about food and weight and how I should really give up my scales.
Talked about 'opening the can of worms' and expressing emotions rather than just numbing them with cutting or not eating.
Talked about starting a conversation with the volunteer I find difficult about why I find her difficult etc....not going to happen.
Then I cried a lot. I can't let everything out because no one can guarantee it'll be ok. Cried some more. F said she liked me just wish I liked myself more and gave me a hug. I cried some more.
I stood in the kitchen destroying a roll hopping from leg to leg whilst everyone else ate lunch normally.
Pretended to be ok for awhile. Stayed in bed all afternoon.
My stomach really hurts. I think there might have been wheat on the chicken last night. Or maybe my stomach just hurts.