Thursday, 15 November 2012

Steps...forward, upward?

I built these steps yesterday (with some rather a lot of help). We cleaved (split) the wood to make the front of the step and axed the stakes into points. Then there was a lot of digging and thwacking the earth flat. 
Excitingly I also ate breakfast (and out of a bowl!) yesterday in order to be able to dig etc. 

This morning I had a chat with T (guy in charge). It was mostly good, truthful. I have difficulty expressing my point of view so I just go quiet and shut everything out. I pretty much haven't changed since I was 14. I can't remember what else but there wasn't really anything I disagreed with however hard it was to talk about. 

However, we talked about food...I said I'm having about half the number of calories I'm meant to. T said it doesn't really matter how many calories I eat if I'm eating... part of me wants to go 'oh okay then', another part of me knows he is wrong and I should be eating more.

Also he wants me to tell him when I cut...I don't know if I can do that. I do get why, they want to know how I'm doing, when I'm cutting and what it is linked to so I can start to rationalise and deal with things differently. But it is just a massive stress, I don't want to tell people. I mean I know I sometimes write it on here. I don't know, that is probably out of order too.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. You built that. I love putting in work and having such a physically present result, like a set of stairs cut into a hill.

    I hope that you can work through some things with the eating and the cutting with T. Best of luck to you, xx