Thursday, 22 November 2012


So I have been eating a little more the last few days but then lost this morning. So I went OK SNACKS! I've had 2 hot chocolates, raisins and 2 squares of chocolate. Plus a pathetically small portion of porridge, a roll with ham, may and lettuce and artichoke risotto and another roll (plain) So no means a 'perfect A* I don't have an ED' day. Then I'm freaking out now about how I'm not going to lose tomorrow...I know it is stupid. I'm below the maintenance BMI I know they use here (as in the OP service not where I live) if I lose weight I'm just going to have to gain more back. 

But I still freak out. 

We had an hour and a half chat this morning because the same person is always late to 9am meeting/ doesn't get up. Volunteer-ex-therapist banged on about boundaries and deeper meanings and stuff-I-don't-get. Pretty much came to no conclusions except 'come to the 9am meeting'. I got really pissed off after it because it mucked with the timetable and was just confusing.

I'm talking to T tomorrow about how things are and also because I didn't understand/ don't understand a lot of communication stuff here (basically I don't understand Volunteer-ex-therapist-flour-using-patronising-woman). I'm worried he'll be annoyed at me/ challenge me on loads of stuff/ change the goal of telling him about self-harm to something even harder... also he is away most of the next week so I don't really know how things are going to work. Eeeeek.

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